Mei has removed me from her social media, though she hasn’t blocked me (thankfully) and I’m unsure why, the girl is not talking to me even when I tried to reach out to her after my 10km run in the city last Sunday. I am once again lost and I haven’t felt this way since my ex dumped me back in May. After her and I talked two weeks ago I thought we cleared out all the things that needed to be said, I thought we reached an understanding especially of who I am as a person including all the things she called childish.
I am fortunate to have my other two best friends in the U.S to seek advice, they have been comforting and giving me hope but I hope this matter is not a permanent issue and I have to say goodbye to a ‘best friend’ of 16 years, I haven’t told anyone else yet. It has been the dilemna I been trying to understand in my head this past week and I’m glad work hasn’t been too crazy that leaves me flailing over both social and work lives. I’m once again left in the dark and yes I am airing it out in my blog because I know this gets read.
Work has been ok, we had to say goodbye to one our new girls as she was not coping and I will admit that I got teary saying goodbye, it sucks being an empath and feeling the emotions of those around me especially if they are sad. I try to keep everyone upbeat but sometimes I need the positivity for myself too. We have two successful, new Reservation agents joining us soon. One is part time and the other is full time and both with experience in Front desk/reservations of hotels. Can’t wait to meet them soon.
I have reached that stage in my life, probably comes with the no filter and being 30 years old that I am not seeking a relationship anytime soon, it probably is because the previous one has damaged me emotionally again and every one that has tried to get closer have been placed in that unfortunate friend zone. I figured with everything that has been going on that I’ll just focus on myself which is further emphasis on my career and travelling of course.
Since I am not going to South Korea anymore, I am deciding that I’ll go to Japan in their Spring time (really want to be there for the cherry blossom festival) and then go the United States for their Autumn. Need to see Katie again and finally meet my other bestie Aria.
Positives at the closure of this week;
- I beat last year’s time of Blackmore’s 10km run by 6mins, mum called it a new PB (Personal best) though my right foot killed two days after the run. My younger sister did hers in 50mins easy, she is becoming more comfortable as a marathon runner than a sprinter
- My Royalty Soaps arrived yesterday! I have yet to unwrap them but they look so cute, I’m not sure if I would use them though but they both smell amazing- Macaron and cookies and cream
- My fashion is changing, though I’m keeping to the vintage/1940s look, I am also unlocking my inner Lolita and submissive nature which isn’t hiding as much anymore. I bought two elastic harnesses from Mary Jane lingerie arrived two days ago and they fit well and look great under v-neck tops especially.
- Read through two new books and addicted to both series, the next novel isn’t out until next year though. Reading again has helped me write my stories more too.
- Dad is going out for dinner with my sister tonight, so its mum and I at home tonight, mother/daughter bonding!
I have an extra day off this week because this upcoming Saturday I am working the 9am-5pm, that is going to be interesting to say the least. I am happy that I got this third day off though to be honest, I didn’t really do much this weekend, I didn’t go out except maybe going to my local shopping centre and nerding out with the workers at the pop culture store over the information and trailers released from San Diego comic con.
I got myself a playstation, my bestie Katie has been suggesting I play Fall out with her, while doing that I also got Crash Bandicoot, Marvel vs Capcom Infinite and Final Fantast XIV online. I been gaming most of this weekend in between my book writing and taking photos on Second Life. My gaming skill is so poor at the moment but my fingers are remembering the usual combos, so I’m positive it will all come back to me.
While also having all this time to myself it gave me time to delve inside my mind and ask that big question- “What do I want”, rather than pleasing everyone around me and keep on giving while getting nothing back, I decided that it is time to release the remnants of negative energy, that is it ok to admit the faults and move on. It turns out that when I allow more positivity in my life and not let my emotions overcome logic, everything else seems to fall in place.
Also when this happens, my creativity spark and ambition to move up with my career burns even greater and me being the ultimate believer in what the universe and God has in me, they say the future is looking bright for me in all aspects.
“A mere copier of nature can never produce anything great.” – Joshua Reynolds
So it’s two steps forward and one step back when it comes to my life and this week though it started off great deterioated into me launching into two bleeding noses while working and then being sent home and the two days after that I’m stuck at home. The reason why? I got another throat infection! Last time I had to call in sick was in early February because I had lost my voice and that was another virus that hit me badly now I have another one that has mixed with the common cold.
In the four years that I worked at Novotel, I never got this sick? I mean yes I did lose my voice twice but this is within a couple of months? Is it because I am in an open space offf with no open windows to let out the germs unlike before where I stood in front of the main entrance with it’s sliding doors? I have no idea but safe to say it is pissing me off- my immunity system.
Sure my body is still undergoing changes such as losing weight and the like and my roster has changed from the standard 9am-5pm to 11am-7pm AND it is winter and no I did not have a flu shot this year. Maybe it’s all these factors that have sent me off the deep end but I thought that my immunity system was harder than this, I guess not.
Staying at home has been nice though, I have Skitty for company and been on a creative spree with making pictures on Second Life and getting appreciated for them on my Flickr stream. I been hanging out with my bestie a lot especially now that she got a new job in a hotel where it grants her overnight shifts- a shift she loves to do and it means we can hang out during my afternoon/evening. I also watched Pacific Rim 2 last night, I don’t know people disliked it, I enjoyed it a lot.
The talks with my ex have been going ok, I mean when you don’t involve Second Life and talk about reality it has always been so much better, but I just been thinking to myself since I woke up this morning and read something online. I’m not sure if I can keep doing this, he contacted me two weeks after hurting me deeply and though it cut me up, I know I still harbour a trickle of feelings for him.
Maybe he reached out too early but when would be the best time to get in contact again, because how do I know when these old feelings will eventually die out?
I love to write stories whether book length or short quips and post them here for you all to read. This is the most obvious statement and when I look at my ten years of being on either IMVU or Second Life, I could happily say my own virtual world could have it’s own memoirs of my time online. I have had my fair share of positive and negative moments whether it was in-character for roleplay or just being me, I have experienced a lot.
Also what is with the case of the exes? Soon as I make a note I am single, they all come flocking back! Except 3 which I’m glad for, but the rest of them? I do not want a boyfriend, this is a new chapter in my life and I wish to focus on me. I want to be at my highest peak of success/career and personal happiness before I even think of dating someone again ohh and while travelling the world to my favourite destinations (Japan, Paris, Disney world…to name a few).
I am still forever grateful to my girls Katie, Lana and Aria for reaching out to me during my times of need and seeking advice, they haven’t been angry or offering vengeance rather they been giving sole advice, hope and ears to listen to my constant, flailing thoughts that are an emotional tumult even now.
Side note: Cutesy girls with child-like faces while totally kinked up needs to go, you don’t see that bs in reality so the whole trend going off on Second Life (not on IMVU thank God!) needs to desist, there is one thing to look “pure” and Lolita inspired but these girls just look like young girls, stop encouraging the pedos to come out of their dank caves!
Featuring my five likes for this very busy week;
- Family fuelled weekend, aunts from New Zealand are here and spent Friday, Saturday and today with mum’s side.
- Red Rooster’s cheesy nuggets, these are a cheeky snack and are so nom during cold days
- My imagination, it’s wide open whether through doing pictures on SL or continuing my Seven realms trilogy.
- No more tension, it’s been sealed off and clearing out the mental vents and because of it, I’m definitely back to my chirpy self again and people are noticing
- Golden State Warriors won the season! And the trophy is back in the bay! #Dubnation
My emotions are still a conglomerate of everything but it is more positive than negative so I’m happy to say that. Returning to work today after a pro-active, three days off (thank God we are part of the commonwealth to have a holiday to celebrate the Queen’s birthday though her actual bday is in April).
I saw Ocean’s 8 twice, once with mum, the second time with my bestie Mei. Got to see my grandma (dad’s mum) on Sunday night and been re-reading and typing more of Book 1 for my Seven realms trilogy. I have also been hitting a creative spike in taking creative pictures on Second Life, I am not getting the usual 30-50 favourites as before my 2 week break in February but I don’t mind that, I’ve hit 1.4k followers and that in itself an achievement.
When I do have a mental downer and I start to overthink over everything that has happened the past two months, my logical Aquarian brain barges in and gives me all the positives of each moment and though it may seem empty at times, I’m still getting better. Not for anyone else but just for me and my own self gratification.
Also in regards to my Aquarian brain, the ADHD side is throwing story ideas for what occurs after Book 3 in my trilogy, I had a basket of ideas in my head that I had to write it down inside one of my many notebooks stored in my desk. They might come to writing, they might not but they were bloody good, original notes.
Like my favourite NBA team the Golden State Warriors who pushed forward into the finals after almost facing elimination during the western conference, I too am facing a positive comeback after having a confused and stressful past week.
Though it hasn’t affected my career, it was noticed by family and friends but after a casual conversation today with my boss, she noted that I am improving in my mannerisms and I am hoping this is a change.
I do not want to feel like this again because being bluntly honest with everyone who is reading this, it is bloody shit! I don’t want to stay angry and confused over someone, because negativity is ruining my normally positive, go lucky self. When I’m upset or pouty, people will notice it and I don’t like that feeling that everyone can see it.
My family and friends have been looking out for me though as well as my boss at work, she has been amazing in the one on one chats and my mum or younger sister are keeping me distracted by taking me out and dad just being his adorable self in offering hope when it seems so dismal at present.
I also started writing again since last night, I had hint a writer’s block because of my relationship status and I been trying to get back into it since I returned from Hawaii. It appears to have returned last night.
Pulling together my five likes for this week;
- Already planning my holidays for next year- South Korea in February with the bestie and Japan in October possibly with my Aunt from New Zealand.
- Drinks tonight with the team, celebrating a birthday and a farewell
- Wreck it Ralph 2, Lego Movie 2 and How to tame your dragon 3 trailers were released this week! Yes cartoon movies give me strength >.>
- Watching Ocean’s 8 in Gold class tomorrow with the mother dearest
- Golden State Warriors are leading the finals 3-0, we only have one more game until we win!
I don’t like being a huge mix of emotions at the moment but I guess when a big chapter in your life ends and a new one is just beginning, it is prone to happen and it just depends on my mood of how long this will last.
I mean four years of a long distance relationship is such a long time. Yes we have ended and I had called it out since he was over here. The friend who I kept asking was she more than a friend turned out to be true and he tried to blame me for something I didn’t do, two days after he returned home.
I was confused and lost at what I had done wrong and tried to do everything I could to fix it, but you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be even in a call with you and you have better conversations with a brick wall. Now the feelings have changed from confused to disappointment and irritation.
Plus more questions now that we ended. What has he told his family back home to make it so easy for him to switch up his relationship? How long has this friend of his, been more than friend? My sister reckons he’s been going behind my back but I don’t think so.
While trying to deal with my mentality in it’s present state, I been weighing the pros and cons and cons are becoming more prominent the more I think about it over what has been going on during our time together.
I’m just fortunate to have a large support base in my family, local friends, work department, besties and international friends, without them I’d be a horrible mess.
Four days until my parents and I are flying to Hawaii for 2 weeks and despite the threat of volcano Kilauea going off on the Big island, so far we have no cancellations of our flight to either Honolulu or Maui.
We also had a recent scare, two nights ago of mum’s entropic heart giving her chest pains and she was taken to hospital. Thankfully she is back home and her usual hardworking self, I got home last night from work and she is sitting at her desk in the study already. I have been lazy with my writing this week and been either on Youtube or Netflix, I haven’t been going to bed early and I haven’t been sleeping well.
Long distance relationships can be difficult and I’m currently through a rough situation with my other half and figuring out where do we go from here. I want to keep fighting, but in all my years of dating online I am known to being stubborn and fighting for something or someone I love and believe in. Just wish he could see that through all my erratic explainations especially when my mind is so frazzled and scared of what’s going to happen to us.
Instead of doing positive likes this week and struggling to find something that is not repetitive, I decided to write my new bucket list for travelling since I have crossed off a couple of things from the list that I created when I was 12. I have been to Venice and ridden a gondala, been inside Versailles on the outskirts of Paris, bought my first (and only pair) of Christian Louboutin shoes in Waikiki, been inside St Peter’s Basilica in Rome, visited Kennedy Space Centre in Florida and seen a live volcano in Hawaii, now I have other things that I want to do in my travels.
- Go to Japan! This has been no.1 since forever, I discussed the notion of going there with my mum’s younger sister, Aunt Heather and she said she wouldn’t mind going while also offering advice on what to do while over there. Apparently a lot of them speak really good English.
- Glamping; I can’t do normal camping and my bestie Katie mentioned the idea. I looked it up in my country and there are some sites in Victoria. Probably wouldn’t go in winter months, too cold but the other seasons would be lovely. Just need someone to do it with.
- Go to Alnwick Castle, I been to Leavesden studio for the Harry Potter tour but I want to go to real locations set in the film, the castle is one of them. Returning to UK!
- Visit Hobbiton in the north island, New Zealand. This has been on my bucket list since I watched LOTR and Hobbit trilogy and it is not just one of the many locations in the north island that I wish to see, also reason to see my family again.
- Stay in Santorini in the Greek islands, picturesque holiday island in the Mediterranean, yes please!
When reality is too much, I run away into virtual and fantasy because it is the only thing that is stable and where my imagination can fly without concern.
That has been my thought pattern since last Friday, my moods come and go in great highs and terrible lows. I am back on Second Life, taking pictures in between my story writing too. The above picture is in Backdrop city and it was after I had seen the film Ready Player One, I found a gamer setting and was inspired to take a pic with my Moon bunnies by Half-deer. Top is Epoch, hair is Truh, garter is Dirty Stories, harness is Cynful.
This was the first photo I took when I returned to Second Life after a 1.5 month-ish break and though I do not get any high favourites like I used to do, I still have fun when the right spark smacks into me and gives me an idea for a photo. I am wearing Runaway hair, the bikini is by Vincue, earrings are Random Matter and the pose is Foxcity as always. I love to take photos inside my cottage, a lot of my acquaintances in-world have complimented at how pink and cute it is, when there is darkness brighten up a room!
I love the above photo and I think it’s because I surrounded myself in not only a very pink scene but I have groups of sleeping kittens around my avatar and bootchi’s can make anyone’s day better. It is is medically proven that in the company of a feline, you feel more relaxed and less stressed. Maybe that is why my Skitty has been in my room every evening before I go to bed. My outfit is purely made by Giz Seorn and bought at the latest Uber round.
Backdrops that are made by the designers in-world help me in a lot of ways, it saves me from hunting down picturesque sims for a photo, I can rez them on my land without being disturbed by others and they are usually really pretty backgrounds that can go well with my outfit. The above background is made by Foxcity, she has been making a lot of backdrops with her bento poses lately and I have been happily selecting my favourite ones. Dress is Candydoll, hair is Dela, necklace is Bauhaus movement and my Meowl is by Hextraordinary.