Another week has come to it’s end and despite the heavy rain we have experienced here in my city and work has been insanely busy with high occupancy it still has been an overall good week. The company of my colleagues is always emanating positive energy and we have a new Reservation agent that has joined our insane family. He used to work with one of the new girls at their old hotel but knows a lot of the system and picking up very quickly. He appears to be a strong asset to the team.
Conversations of catch up with my girls this week has been lovely too, it’s realising that I have been missing out on seeing them and I just hope that I can have another catch up with the Filo side of my family. I barely see my cousins as it is, of course they all have their own families now but I recalled to my parents one night that we barely have parties anymore when before we used to have one every second weekend or so because there is so many of us.
I worked yesterday and normally on Saturdays I am alone in the office but this time I had both my boss and one of the group co-ordinators come in and work, they were catching up on their group reservation work but still it was lovely company and we had some laughs in between work. I was fortunate enough to not have many phone calls that I got a ton of work done for the duration of my shift. It means less stress for our team when we all return to work tomorrow morning.
Matters of my heart has been ok, I’m enjoying being the single pringle and though the people I have met has been dismal and disappointing I am content in not searching for a while because I’m in a happy spot in my life where I don’t need a companion and instead can flourish as a free standing career woman.
Collecting my five likes for this past week;
- My best friend Katie got married today!! Though she lives in the U.S and I sadly could not be attendance (that’s a whole different matter) I got to see the photos and she got someone to record the event so I’ll be able to watch the ceremony. She looked flawless and completely Rarity sparkle, the elegant pony would have approved.
- Miraculous– The fandom was well fed with two episodes yesterday and while Malediktator showed a redemption arc for the school’s mean girl and gave us complete girl power, Frozer on the other hand was an emotional mess. The love square is about to become a bloody hexagon with the two new characters being potential crushes. The writers said they would be more than the love interests but I say liars!
- Night Noodle Markets in my city last night, I was introduced to it by my boss and I could not believe it has taken me this long to discover it. It is more than just Asian food though I did indulge in dim sims and pork buns, it also had bars and dessert stalls. Music was great and company was good.
- Reunion with an old friend, we knew each other on IMVU about 6-7 years ago than he went into the navy and we hardly spoke since that time but yesterday he reached out to me and told me that he’s coming to my city next month. He wants to meet up since he’s here for a month, I’m unsure because we haven’t been in contact for years though from our conversation we are still the same people just older and mature? maybe lol.
- Mum’s birthday, it was this past Thursday and we all went out for Thai joined by my sister, her husband and the in-laws. Stayed out late with yummy food and fun conversation, as I mentioned above outings with family beyond my circle of three is so minimal nowadays so to have that experience is treasured.
I have decided to reach out to old work mates and friends from high school that I haven’t spoken to in a long time. After a discussion with my mum and sister over the past weekend, I realised that I spent most of my weekends hanging out with just Mei and forgot about everyone else. It is fortunate that they are still connected to me and haven’t left because I stopped talking to them.
Because I have today off from work, I reached out to two of them and managed to ensue a conversation where it led to catching up in the flesh than just through messenger. As I had said in my previous diary entry, I want to reconnect with everyone because even though I enjoy my own company and can go do things on my own, the company of friends is always better.
This week I have been re-reading all my stories that I have typed up in the past three years and its another realisation that I need to finish at least one of these stories, one of them is almost done but I’ve beek seeking the help of my bestie Katie in finding a decent conclusion to the tale. She is reading it at the moment, the very first person to read one of my longer stories because I don’t like to share the books because I don’t think they ever good enough for the public.
On the recently past Saturday, I got to see my cousin on mum’s side of the family for lunch, she is the one that is pregnant and my gosh her belly has gotten so big! But it also looks like she has lost weight and positively glowing. It is only three weeks until her bubba will come out, soon I will have another little cousin!
I had a slump this morning and stayed in bed longer than I should have and I know it will affect me later when I need to have an early bedtime for work tomorrow. But with all that has happened this year, sure I have had a lot of negativity but when I compare it to the positive notes of what has occurred in my life they are miniscule. I just have to remember to not let them get to me.
Mei has removed me from her social media, though she hasn’t blocked me (thankfully) and I’m unsure why, the girl is not talking to me even when I tried to reach out to her after my 10km run in the city last Sunday. I am once again lost and I haven’t felt this way since my ex dumped me back in May. After her and I talked two weeks ago I thought we cleared out all the things that needed to be said, I thought we reached an understanding especially of who I am as a person including all the things she called childish.
I am fortunate to have my other two best friends in the U.S to seek advice, they have been comforting and giving me hope but I hope this matter is not a permanent issue and I have to say goodbye to a ‘best friend’ of 16 years, I haven’t told anyone else yet. It has been the dilemna I been trying to understand in my head this past week and I’m glad work hasn’t been too crazy that leaves me flailing over both social and work lives. I’m once again left in the dark and yes I am airing it out in my blog because I know this gets read.
Work has been ok, we had to say goodbye to one our new girls as she was not coping and I will admit that I got teary saying goodbye, it sucks being an empath and feeling the emotions of those around me especially if they are sad. I try to keep everyone upbeat but sometimes I need the positivity for myself too. We have two successful, new Reservation agents joining us soon. One is part time and the other is full time and both with experience in Front desk/reservations of hotels. Can’t wait to meet them soon.
I have reached that stage in my life, probably comes with the no filter and being 30 years old that I am not seeking a relationship anytime soon, it probably is because the previous one has damaged me emotionally again and every one that has tried to get closer have been placed in that unfortunate friend zone. I figured with everything that has been going on that I’ll just focus on myself which is further emphasis on my career and travelling of course.
Since I am not going to South Korea anymore, I am deciding that I’ll go to Japan in their Spring time (really want to be there for the cherry blossom festival) and then go the United States for their Autumn. Need to see Katie again and finally meet my other bestie Aria.
Positives at the closure of this week;
- I beat last year’s time of Blackmore’s 10km run by 6mins, mum called it a new PB (Personal best) though my right foot killed two days after the run. My younger sister did hers in 50mins easy, she is becoming more comfortable as a marathon runner than a sprinter
- My Royalty Soaps arrived yesterday! I have yet to unwrap them but they look so cute, I’m not sure if I would use them though but they both smell amazing- Macaron and cookies and cream
- My fashion is changing, though I’m keeping to the vintage/1940s look, I am also unlocking my inner Lolita and submissive nature which isn’t hiding as much anymore. I bought two elastic harnesses from Mary Jane lingerie arrived two days ago and they fit well and look great under v-neck tops especially.
- Read through two new books and addicted to both series, the next novel isn’t out until next year though. Reading again has helped me write my stories more too.
- Dad is going out for dinner with my sister tonight, so its mum and I at home tonight, mother/daughter bonding!
I had a bit of an identity crisis this week and I think it’s partially because of what Mei addressed with me on Thursday night. That should I keep enjoying the guilty pleasures that I love even as a 30 year old. I love stuffed toys, magical girl things such as Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura, I enjoy watching the Barbie movies and Monster High and I sometimes I log onto the virtual worlds of IMVU and Second Life.
Do these hold me back from progressing in my career as an adult? It had me me flail and mentally question myself that I even sort the advice of my other best friend Katie who lives in the United States. As I buckled under and really thought about who I was as person I realised that no, these childlike essences do not stop me from becoming a powerful woman in reality. It in fact a side of my multiple facets that makes me who I am.
Because of the childlike pleasures that I enjoy on a daily basis, it is what makes me smile and stay optimistic every day especially when I go to work and it is absorbed by friends or colleagues who are needing positivity in their life when it all seems too much. I also realised that if I stopped enjoying these things, I wouldn’t be 100% me even while “growing up” which is a term that is so overused and let’s be honest, no one truly grows up even when they say they have.
Work has been great with my manager returning but I think it is also because our new girls have picked up speed and now are on the phones, less stress on the rest of us. Though! One of my colleagues who was part of the opening team is leaving us at the beginning of next month, he got a job as a flight attendant and I’m devastated! He is amazing and fast in clearing off the emails and it’s just him on his own since another colleague is on annual leave.
Change and turn over seems to occur on a regular basis in a five star hotel, I guess it’s because I was so used to a hotel where everyone has been staying for more than seven years and over.
Finding the positives in every week whether big or small;
- My best friend in the U.S sent me a belated birthday present- a signed picture by Pinkie Pie’s voice actress Andrea Libman! It is now hanging up on my wall next to my desk, also the personal letter from said bestie made me cry
- I ordered two soaps from Royalty Soaps, Katie Carsen has a youtube channel and I love watching her create these artisan soaps so novelty and original, I had to get some
- The high tea last Saturday with all the women on the Filo side of my family was lovely, my cousin put so much time and effort into hosting you could tell in all the details (I want the cute tea cups!)
- My work won awards again! This time we got Best Australasian hotel, best new hotel and best service to the community, not bad huh as we keep reaping in for all our hard work
- Picked up French, they said in high school it’s easier to study than Japanese- we’ll see. I decided to study just because it would be nice to have a second language that is also beneficial to my company which is French
Bonjour from the confines of my office! I am working today and while originally I felt overwhelmed especially seeing over one hundred emails and one thousand to be reviewed reservations, over the past three hours I have managed to cull both down at a decent amount. So once again I can be happy to say it is all quite manageable and I’m taking each task one step at a time while listening to my playlist of favourite, motivating tunes.
This past week I have also been back to working 9am-5pm and I will say that I miss the 8am wake-ups compared to waking up nowadays at 6am, it is freezing in the early morning! It is going to be worse next week with the 7am starts because I will have to wake up at 4:30am! Eww!
My social life outside work has been ok, I haven’t been logging on Second Life or gaming as much as I thought I would except at the beginning of the week. I have been multi tasking again, blame my ADHD, between reading book 1 of my fantasy trilogy, watching soaps being made and watching the new season of one of my favourite shows, I have been still keeping my brain distracted.
Been having nostalgic feels over my ten years being on IMVU this week, not sure why it’s been popping up in my head lately but another one of those mysteries of my buzzing memories. I also had an intense conversation with the ex, mutual understanding is forming but the trickles of frustration is present which I’m not sure he knows cause he reads this blog (I see you!) but other than that, nothing bad has happened this week that I can complain about.
I like to be a believer in good luck and karma and this week I been wearing my golden horse shoe necklace which has been classified as a known good luck charm, maybe that is it, or someone up there has been taking care of me.
My five likes for this week, it has been a good week despite work being crazy busy (limited staff);
- Fall out! The plot is depressing and I suck at 360 degree controls but my bestie Katie is a great teacher- so patient with me
- I got a favourite from the actor Luke Baines on my twitter! He will be playing the reborn Jonathan Morgenstern on Shadowhunters, we still have yet to save the show
- Bought the Clow book from Cardcaptor Sakura last night in it’s original Japanese format, one more artefact to become a true magic girl
- My hotel won ‘Best luxury hotel in NSW’ I am so proud to be a Sofitel girl
- Reunion with Mei tonight after work! We haven’t seen each other in two weeks and I’m having withdrawals of her company
I have an extra day off this week because this upcoming Saturday I am working the 9am-5pm, that is going to be interesting to say the least. I am happy that I got this third day off though to be honest, I didn’t really do much this weekend, I didn’t go out except maybe going to my local shopping centre and nerding out with the workers at the pop culture store over the information and trailers released from San Diego comic con.
I got myself a playstation, my bestie Katie has been suggesting I play Fall out with her, while doing that I also got Crash Bandicoot, Marvel vs Capcom Infinite and Final Fantast XIV online. I been gaming most of this weekend in between my book writing and taking photos on Second Life. My gaming skill is so poor at the moment but my fingers are remembering the usual combos, so I’m positive it will all come back to me.
While also having all this time to myself it gave me time to delve inside my mind and ask that big question- “What do I want”, rather than pleasing everyone around me and keep on giving while getting nothing back, I decided that it is time to release the remnants of negative energy, that is it ok to admit the faults and move on. It turns out that when I allow more positivity in my life and not let my emotions overcome logic, everything else seems to fall in place.
Also when this happens, my creativity spark and ambition to move up with my career burns even greater and me being the ultimate believer in what the universe and God has in me, they say the future is looking bright for me in all aspects.
“A mere copier of nature can never produce anything great.” – Joshua Reynolds
I love to write stories whether book length or short quips and post them here for you all to read. This is the most obvious statement and when I look at my ten years of being on either IMVU or Second Life, I could happily say my own virtual world could have it’s own memoirs of my time online. I have had my fair share of positive and negative moments whether it was in-character for roleplay or just being me, I have experienced a lot.
Also what is with the case of the exes? Soon as I make a note I am single, they all come flocking back! Except 3 which I’m glad for, but the rest of them? I do not want a boyfriend, this is a new chapter in my life and I wish to focus on me. I want to be at my highest peak of success/career and personal happiness before I even think of dating someone again ohh and while travelling the world to my favourite destinations (Japan, Paris, Disney world…to name a few).
I am still forever grateful to my girls Katie, Lana and Aria for reaching out to me during my times of need and seeking advice, they haven’t been angry or offering vengeance rather they been giving sole advice, hope and ears to listen to my constant, flailing thoughts that are an emotional tumult even now.
Side note: Cutesy girls with child-like faces while totally kinked up needs to go, you don’t see that bs in reality so the whole trend going off on Second Life (not on IMVU thank God!) needs to desist, there is one thing to look “pure” and Lolita inspired but these girls just look like young girls, stop encouraging the pedos to come out of their dank caves!
Featuring my five likes for this very busy week;
- Family fuelled weekend, aunts from New Zealand are here and spent Friday, Saturday and today with mum’s side.
- Red Rooster’s cheesy nuggets, these are a cheeky snack and are so nom during cold days
- My imagination, it’s wide open whether through doing pictures on SL or continuing my Seven realms trilogy.
- No more tension, it’s been sealed off and clearing out the mental vents and because of it, I’m definitely back to my chirpy self again and people are noticing
- Golden State Warriors won the season! And the trophy is back in the bay! #Dubnation
I don’t like being a huge mix of emotions at the moment but I guess when a big chapter in your life ends and a new one is just beginning, it is prone to happen and it just depends on my mood of how long this will last.
I mean four years of a long distance relationship is such a long time. Yes we have ended and I had called it out since he was over here. The friend who I kept asking was she more than a friend turned out to be true and he tried to blame me for something I didn’t do, two days after he returned home.
I was confused and lost at what I had done wrong and tried to do everything I could to fix it, but you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be even in a call with you and you have better conversations with a brick wall. Now the feelings have changed from confused to disappointment and irritation.
Plus more questions now that we ended. What has he told his family back home to make it so easy for him to switch up his relationship? How long has this friend of his, been more than friend? My sister reckons he’s been going behind my back but I don’t think so.
While trying to deal with my mentality in it’s present state, I been weighing the pros and cons and cons are becoming more prominent the more I think about it over what has been going on during our time together.
I’m just fortunate to have a large support base in my family, local friends, work department, besties and international friends, without them I’d be a horrible mess.
I have sealed myself off Second Life for the past two weeks, I made an announcement and discreetly vanished. And truth be told, it feels really good. Finding myself being able to go outside more or find my imagination giving me motivation to continue my many stories has been an amazing feeling and realisation that I prefer reality more than virtual.
Though I have recently been logging onto IMVU, the very first virtual world I joined back in 2008, I am on it to socialise with my group of friends who occassionally log on but are not on it for long hours upon end because we all have busy realities to be part of. This casual dabbling into pixels is better for me than what I used to do and I’m glad I managed to detach myself from an addictive pattern.
Because I have removed myself from worrying what others in Second Life think or stopped caring on how I act and happy to just be the real deal, there is less stress around my life. I am also doing this for the sake of my long distance relationship, he decided to remove himself from the virtual universe too and is feeling much better because of it.
Since I have done this massive change too, I am already feeling the results of a life without toxic personalities.