I have decided to reach out to old work mates and friends from high school that I haven’t spoken to in a long time. After a discussion with my mum and sister over the past weekend, I realised that I spent most of my weekends hanging out with just Mei and forgot about everyone else. It is fortunate that they are still connected to me and haven’t left because I stopped talking to them.
Because I have today off from work, I reached out to two of them and managed to ensue a conversation where it led to catching up in the flesh than just through messenger. As I had said in my previous diary entry, I want to reconnect with everyone because even though I enjoy my own company and can go do things on my own, the company of friends is always better.
This week I have been re-reading all my stories that I have typed up in the past three years and its another realisation that I need to finish at least one of these stories, one of them is almost done but I’ve beek seeking the help of my bestie Katie in finding a decent conclusion to the tale. She is reading it at the moment, the very first person to read one of my longer stories because I don’t like to share the books because I don’t think they ever good enough for the public.
On the recently past Saturday, I got to see my cousin on mum’s side of the family for lunch, she is the one that is pregnant and my gosh her belly has gotten so big! But it also looks like she has lost weight and positively glowing. It is only three weeks until her bubba will come out, soon I will have another little cousin!
I had a slump this morning and stayed in bed longer than I should have and I know it will affect me later when I need to have an early bedtime for work tomorrow. But with all that has happened this year, sure I have had a lot of negativity but when I compare it to the positive notes of what has occurred in my life they are miniscule. I just have to remember to not let them get to me.
Caught up on my sleep after working the 7am-3pm shifts last week and got two decent days off, they both been very good and productive surprisingly. Yesterday was a drive up to my usual lookout overlooking the Hawkesbury river then a fabulous night with the bestie watching Mission Impossible: Fallout, movie was amazing! I would say it tops all the other films in the series. Catch up with Mei was great as usual, next movie night is when Crazy Rich Asians is released.
I also decided to change my hair on Second Life, in reality I cut it all off so it sits just above my shoulders when natural so online after chatting with my other bestie Katie, we decided to change our hair colour to that of our favourite ponies respectively. As a nod to Pinkie Pie, my avatar’s hair is hot pink! It’s a drastic change from the usual brunette locks but I dig it.
Also been writing a lot in the current, random stories I have started. I haven’t continued Book 1 of my trilogy as of yet, but for that book I have to be in a decent head space to get the words flowing for the new chapter. Today was spontaneous, I was gonna chill at home and probably write some more, it turned out completely different. Mum had two tickets to go to a Gluten free expo, and invited me to go with her.
I am so glad I did, we got to eat a lot of food samples that are not only gluten free, soy free and even sugar free. There was a donut that was vegan and I’m still trying to figure out how did they substitute the chocolate that is inside it? Because it was simply amazing to eat and still tasted so sweet, but no sugar? The gluten free Chinese food and macaroons that I bought today I’m looking forward to cook/eat because those samples were my favourite to try.
I have an extra day off this week because this upcoming Saturday I am working the 9am-5pm, that is going to be interesting to say the least. I am happy that I got this third day off though to be honest, I didn’t really do much this weekend, I didn’t go out except maybe going to my local shopping centre and nerding out with the workers at the pop culture store over the information and trailers released from San Diego comic con.
I got myself a playstation, my bestie Katie has been suggesting I play Fall out with her, while doing that I also got Crash Bandicoot, Marvel vs Capcom Infinite and Final Fantast XIV online. I been gaming most of this weekend in between my book writing and taking photos on Second Life. My gaming skill is so poor at the moment but my fingers are remembering the usual combos, so I’m positive it will all come back to me.
While also having all this time to myself it gave me time to delve inside my mind and ask that big question- “What do I want”, rather than pleasing everyone around me and keep on giving while getting nothing back, I decided that it is time to release the remnants of negative energy, that is it ok to admit the faults and move on. It turns out that when I allow more positivity in my life and not let my emotions overcome logic, everything else seems to fall in place.
Also when this happens, my creativity spark and ambition to move up with my career burns even greater and me being the ultimate believer in what the universe and God has in me, they say the future is looking bright for me in all aspects.
“A mere copier of nature can never produce anything great.” – Joshua Reynolds
So it’s two steps forward and one step back when it comes to my life and this week though it started off great deterioated into me launching into two bleeding noses while working and then being sent home and the two days after that I’m stuck at home. The reason why? I got another throat infection! Last time I had to call in sick was in early February because I had lost my voice and that was another virus that hit me badly now I have another one that has mixed with the common cold.
In the four years that I worked at Novotel, I never got this sick? I mean yes I did lose my voice twice but this is within a couple of months? Is it because I am in an open space offf with no open windows to let out the germs unlike before where I stood in front of the main entrance with it’s sliding doors? I have no idea but safe to say it is pissing me off- my immunity system.
Sure my body is still undergoing changes such as losing weight and the like and my roster has changed from the standard 9am-5pm to 11am-7pm AND it is winter and no I did not have a flu shot this year. Maybe it’s all these factors that have sent me off the deep end but I thought that my immunity system was harder than this, I guess not.
Staying at home has been nice though, I have Skitty for company and been on a creative spree with making pictures on Second Life and getting appreciated for them on my Flickr stream. I been hanging out with my bestie a lot especially now that she got a new job in a hotel where it grants her overnight shifts- a shift she loves to do and it means we can hang out during my afternoon/evening. I also watched Pacific Rim 2 last night, I don’t know people disliked it, I enjoyed it a lot.
The talks with my ex have been going ok, I mean when you don’t involve Second Life and talk about reality it has always been so much better, but I just been thinking to myself since I woke up this morning and read something online. I’m not sure if I can keep doing this, he contacted me two weeks after hurting me deeply and though it cut me up, I know I still harbour a trickle of feelings for him.
Maybe he reached out too early but when would be the best time to get in contact again, because how do I know when these old feelings will eventually die out?
Pinkie Pie is back! My happy, go-lucky attitude is back and better than ever and despite the concerns of my own family of what is happening in my personal life, I have chosen to go my own way and tell them to relax.
I am 30 years old and more than capable to handle individual situations, I mean it is all a part of growing up still is it not? Again I’m thankful to my besties Lana, Katie and Aria for being at my side and their never-ending support and appreciating him for being open to talk about absolutely everything.
The bad vibes of the past two months is dissipating and only what is left are content feelings and hopeful thoughts. The past week has been great, though I have a change of shift at work doing the 11am-7pm, I don’t mind doing this shift. I have a 2hr sleep in and the bus I get into work isn’t full of silent city workers but a cheerful, leisure crowd. This also has an affect on my attitude by the time I get into work.
We also have a new girl who started working this week and she is another half Asian like me. She is so sweet and very quick to learn, she’s going to be an amazing addition to our department. Finishing up at 7pm and being home by 8pm isn’t as bad as my parents think it is.
I get home in time for dinner, I’m still doing exercise after I finish work so I’m still not understanding why they don’t like me working this shift. It is not like I am back to a rotating roster, which could have happened if I said no to doing this shift.
Weekend plans are movie night on Saturday here in the city with Mei, we need to see Incredibles 2! That is a definite since we been waiting 14 years for the sequel!
My emotions are still a conglomerate of everything but it is more positive than negative so I’m happy to say that. Returning to work today after a pro-active, three days off (thank God we are part of the commonwealth to have a holiday to celebrate the Queen’s birthday though her actual bday is in April).
I saw Ocean’s 8 twice, once with mum, the second time with my bestie Mei. Got to see my grandma (dad’s mum) on Sunday night and been re-reading and typing more of Book 1 for my Seven realms trilogy. I have also been hitting a creative spike in taking creative pictures on Second Life, I am not getting the usual 30-50 favourites as before my 2 week break in February but I don’t mind that, I’ve hit 1.4k followers and that in itself an achievement.
When I do have a mental downer and I start to overthink over everything that has happened the past two months, my logical Aquarian brain barges in and gives me all the positives of each moment and though it may seem empty at times, I’m still getting better. Not for anyone else but just for me and my own self gratification.
Also in regards to my Aquarian brain, the ADHD side is throwing story ideas for what occurs after Book 3 in my trilogy, I had a basket of ideas in my head that I had to write it down inside one of my many notebooks stored in my desk. They might come to writing, they might not but they were bloody good, original notes.
I don’t like being a huge mix of emotions at the moment but I guess when a big chapter in your life ends and a new one is just beginning, it is prone to happen and it just depends on my mood of how long this will last.
I mean four years of a long distance relationship is such a long time. Yes we have ended and I had called it out since he was over here. The friend who I kept asking was she more than a friend turned out to be true and he tried to blame me for something I didn’t do, two days after he returned home.
I was confused and lost at what I had done wrong and tried to do everything I could to fix it, but you can’t fix someone who doesn’t want to be even in a call with you and you have better conversations with a brick wall. Now the feelings have changed from confused to disappointment and irritation.
Plus more questions now that we ended. What has he told his family back home to make it so easy for him to switch up his relationship? How long has this friend of his, been more than friend? My sister reckons he’s been going behind my back but I don’t think so.
While trying to deal with my mentality in it’s present state, I been weighing the pros and cons and cons are becoming more prominent the more I think about it over what has been going on during our time together.
I’m just fortunate to have a large support base in my family, local friends, work department, besties and international friends, without them I’d be a horrible mess.
I forgot to make a Luci note in my blog on the 13th May that I was going to be away for two weeks with the parents. I am typing this up in the club lounge of my hotel in Waikiki, Honolulu, Hawaii! We have been here for the past week and it has been an amazing trip so far to just keep my head clear and to re-think while enjoying the sun and all that shopping, yes please!
Though my shopping hasn’t been too bad, I think it is because I am logically analysing each item rather than splurge buying and realising that I barely wear it. I am getting a bit of a tan and the past 3 days we trekked through Maui around rainforests, mud and seeing majestic waterfalls. Got back to Waikiki yesterday and this whole week is relaxing in the sun and checking out the stores.
Last night I raided H&M down the road from my hotel and today I am wearing one of the dresses I bought, bestie Katie from New York says I look fabulous, but that girl is always biased. I will see all of you again when I am back in cold Sydney, the weather back home makes me glad I am in sunny Hawaii!
Four days until my parents and I are flying to Hawaii for 2 weeks and despite the threat of volcano Kilauea going off on the Big island, so far we have no cancellations of our flight to either Honolulu or Maui.
We also had a recent scare, two nights ago of mum’s entropic heart giving her chest pains and she was taken to hospital. Thankfully she is back home and her usual hardworking self, I got home last night from work and she is sitting at her desk in the study already. I have been lazy with my writing this week and been either on Youtube or Netflix, I haven’t been going to bed early and I haven’t been sleeping well.
Long distance relationships can be difficult and I’m currently through a rough situation with my other half and figuring out where do we go from here. I want to keep fighting, but in all my years of dating online I am known to being stubborn and fighting for something or someone I love and believe in. Just wish he could see that through all my erratic explainations especially when my mind is so frazzled and scared of what’s going to happen to us.
Instead of doing positive likes this week and struggling to find something that is not repetitive, I decided to write my new bucket list for travelling since I have crossed off a couple of things from the list that I created when I was 12. I have been to Venice and ridden a gondala, been inside Versailles on the outskirts of Paris, bought my first (and only pair) of Christian Louboutin shoes in Waikiki, been inside St Peter’s Basilica in Rome, visited Kennedy Space Centre in Florida and seen a live volcano in Hawaii, now I have other things that I want to do in my travels.
- Go to Japan! This has been no.1 since forever, I discussed the notion of going there with my mum’s younger sister, Aunt Heather and she said she wouldn’t mind going while also offering advice on what to do while over there. Apparently a lot of them speak really good English.
- Glamping; I can’t do normal camping and my bestie Katie mentioned the idea. I looked it up in my country and there are some sites in Victoria. Probably wouldn’t go in winter months, too cold but the other seasons would be lovely. Just need someone to do it with.
- Go to Alnwick Castle, I been to Leavesden studio for the Harry Potter tour but I want to go to real locations set in the film, the castle is one of them. Returning to UK!
- Visit Hobbiton in the north island, New Zealand. This has been on my bucket list since I watched LOTR and Hobbit trilogy and it is not just one of the many locations in the north island that I wish to see, also reason to see my family again.
- Stay in Santorini in the Greek islands, picturesque holiday island in the Mediterranean, yes please!