I am procrastinating more with my diary entries for my blog and it is getting longer between each post, whoops I’m sorry to those who wanted to read what has been going on in my personal life or curious in general. Well I’m starting off today’s post with a vent over what had occurred last weekend. Now one of my old mates from IMVU who had joined the Australian navy had messaged me out of the blue at the end of last month. He had mentioned that he was going to be in my city and offered to meet up over coffee, finally putting a name to the face.
At first I was unsure with a million questions in my head, wondering why did he want to meet up but I decided to go with it and in between our daily conversations I attempted to find a day where we were both in the city and available to meet. Now we had agreed a week and the day before that we would be meeting last Saturday after I finished work at 5pm. When I tried to contact this said friend on where we would be meeting I found out the silly idiot had gone out the night before drinking with his mates and was only returning to the ship at 1:30pm.
Safe to say I lost my cool and vented to him heavily, he said he wouldn’t bail on me but I found out the following morning that he had fallen asleep until midnight, there was no way we would meet. I have cut him out of my life and decided to not try that again because it was a simple disaster. I ended up driving back to my suburbs and watching Nutcracker and the four realms on my own. The movie was ok, location and costumes were divine but the flow of the storyline seemed choppy. Couldn’t believe how grown up Mackenzie Foy looked, I still remember her as little Renesmee Cullen.
In other news, work has been a blast as always though very busy even with the arrival of a new full time Reservations agent. We got whipped into shape by our boss last week, she had noted that we were working too slow and because we were entering the festive season and being the biggest Reservation department in the state, we had to move quicker. We have though and I’m quite proud of where our team has reached since yesterday.
I’ve been offline from both worlds, though I did create my modified cat lady Bast from Second Life and moved her into IMVU, it is easier to create characters and scenes in that virtual world because it is not as vast as the more adult game. I do not mind staying offline because it has given me a sense to withdraw again and analyse myself. The company on these past weekends have been fabulous and part of my five likes. Yes I am still keeping to the five despite having not posted in a while.
My five likes over the past three weeks, sorry again!
Star Wars Identities– Its an exhibition that I went to last weekend with mum and my friend Jess and was an interactive exhibit at the Powerhouse museum using the prequels and originals of Star Wars as its base. While it had costumes and props from the films it also went on a psychological journey of Anakin and Luke Skywalker and why did one choose the light side and the other fell to the dark. Visitors could also participate and create their own character, my girl Andais Lu was a togruta senator who had strong levels of the force but was no Jedi. It was very fun for the fangirl within me.
The weekend before that I went to watch Crimes of Grindewald again with mum and Jess, I don’t know why some of the Wizarding world is complaining about it, I mean yes ok there was some scenes that ruptured the canon that JK built but isn’t this the beauty of fiction? It can be twisted and expanded, I wonder if these negative nancy’s are the same fans that whined over The Last Jedi.
Taronga Zoo today for mum’s work Christmas party, I wore an all Kitten D’amour outfit and got to wear the cute Memphis shorts that are high waisted and so comfortable. Because I have been losing weight, I can appreciate my legs, I haven’t been able to in a long time.
My Kitten D’amour ‘Shall we dance’ red heels, I barely wear heels but these are so comfortable! I wore them two weekends ago at a family birthday party and all my cousins kept asking where did I get them from. I was told that the memory foam in the sole of the heels is what makes them so easy to wear.
Miraculous’ Season 3 is returning to the screens sooner than Shadowhunters final season (which I’m still irked about and so desperately trying to save even now). Episode 1 is being released today in Portgual! I will anticipate it being shown on Youtube.
I meant to write this diary on Sunday for the previous week, whoops! Here it is now, better late than never and with a tired brain as well. I am working the 7am-3pm shift this week and though the 5am alarm is a killer, getting home in the afternoon with plenty of time to do whatever I feel like is what I look forward to. This past weekend was nice and the one before that was even better plus I have a very social weekend upcoming. More to unfold as I try and gather my thoughts over whats been happening this past week and a half.
My filter is broken and if I don’t have enough sleep it is worse. I simply do not care of what I say to friends or family, I keep telling everyone else to not bottle up around me but I noted that I haven’t exactly been expressing my feelings lately either. It is probably why I’ve been getting the highs and lows in my moods. It is like Bella in the book New Moon when Edward broke up with her. She has good days when the sun is shining and the world is good, then she has lows right before she sleeps, this is me at the moment. I have days where everything is great then I hit this negative slump where I start thinking over what has happened this year.
2018 is almost over and I did not expect to see myself being single and without my best friend of 16 years, like how did this all come to past? Was it all my fault? I told mum about my depressive bouts and how my bestie in the United States suggested I go and see my psychologist again to help me fine tune the overthinking brain. Perhaps I might, I haven’t decided yet on this, I’m pondering to just knuckle under and slap my emotional heart and get over it.
Work has kept me busy and I am glad to keep my brain going especially with the emotional mess I am internally, we all kept our heads down and worked hard, our main inbox is finally on a manageable number and it means less stress on us when it comes to incoming calls and potential clients coming to stay in our hotel.
The father of Marvel, Stan Lee passed away this morning just as I was about to start my shift, with all that has happened this year I am ready for it to be over and looking for new beginnings and continued hope of 2019.
My five likes over this belated week;
Kitten D’amour invited me to their store this past Saturday because I’m a VIP and they were releasing their new collection called Chateau. It looks to be heavily inspired by the aesthetic of Versailles and considering how much I love Marie Antoinette and her palace, it was a treat to go to. The free champagne and cupcakes were a bonus too.
My friend Jessica from high school who I haven’t seen in forever came over for afternoon tea, two weekends ago. She is in much better health and thankfully stabilised, mum has organised the three of us to go watch Fantastic beasts 2 this upcoming Sunday!
The Democrats won the House of Representatives, yes this is American politics and though I am not American I am quite happy this party got it. It means Trump cannot pass his laws thrown out freely, it also gives hope to my friends who live there especially to my transgender best friend and her wife.
Shadowhunters won four out of five awards yesterday in the People Choice Awards, first it was teen choice earlier this year now PCA and the fandom including myself keeps asking Freeform and Constantin Film why did they cancel it so soon? We could have done with one more season without squishing an entire book into a two hour finale!
Miraculous season 2 finale! Both part 1 and part 2 were insane to watch but it is sad to know we gotta wait until next year until Season 3 is released, so much character development and the final fight was heavily inspired by the first Avengers film.
Writing this after working the Saturday shift and my God we had our fluctuations of crazy busy to complete silence with booking rooms today. Decided to start this blog entry in being completely open with all my readers and baring myself to all of you. I have been hiding in the virtual worlds of IMVU and Second Life because of the toxic relationship of my first boyfriend. I have been hiding ever since and dating random blokes that I have met through online. I was with someone the past four years and we finally met last year, he came here this year for my sister’s wedding but we also broke up.
I have been diagnosed with PCOS since mid last year and been taking pills to assist me losing weight, it has been a struggle because I have a massive sweet tooth. It is confirmed I have ADHD, it was thought about when I was in Yr 3 but brushed aside by my doctor thinking it was just me having an eccentric mind. It is also why I always need to be multi tasking and can’t stay on a fixed task. When I was a child I struggled in gaining friends and was a bit of a loner until I had a group with 4 other girls, same thing in high school for the first two years until I met my best friend. I am Eurasian, I have a mixed background of Filipino and New Zealand and because of these cultures I am heavily influenced by the strong family ties.
I have a fear of being alone because of my condition in having severe bleeding noses as a child, its not just a simple drip and dab away, mine have a tendency to gush and last for 10minutes or so, I am on bioflavonoids to help the capillaries in my nose become strong, I keep salt tablets in my purse to help ease the heavy flow. It is a contradiction with my mentality, I like going out and doing things on my own but at the same I like having someone around whether friends or family just in case I have another episode.
I am 30 years old and still love to travel with my parents, though I am told to venture out into the big, bad world alone, the above reason is why I’m scared to do so but also bold enough that I can travel domestically but if it was anything international I would wish for company. I like the colour pink, anything glittery or sparkly, I have a ton of plushies on my bed and my bedside table is a magical girl haven yet on the other side, I have a weakness for bondage harnesses, katanas and anything gothic lolita. I have a penchant for New age jewellery but also like any accessories related to cats and my favourite fandoms. I am a fantasy reader and a writer yet struggle to finish a decent story because I am always picking on it and finding the motivation to complete it.
All of these things have created me over the years to make me the woman I am today, either I am accepted or found to be considered odd by some but this is ok by me, because I would hate to be anyone other than myself.
My five likes over this past week;
Shopping– I normally try and cull my weekend visit to the local mall with just one day but the past weekend was a whole different matter. I went to three different shopping centres and got various items. My favourite piece is a lace bodysuit from Honey Birdette. This lingerie store is known for being bold and causing controversy being so liberal when it comes to expression of female empowerment and I only got two items including this bodysuit. I would wear it with a black bralet of course and I’ve already envisioned pairing it with one of my Kitten D’amour skirts.
I had yesterday off because I worked today and because of it, I got to see my 94-year-old grandma on my dad’s side. She lives with my dad’s youngest sister so I got to see my aunt too, I am worried with my grandma because she is getting older, her memory is starting to fade and with family, if she does not see them enough she is starting to forget. Luckily for me, as soon as she saw me her entire face lit up and she reached out for a hug- best.day.ever
I finally used the gift cards given to me from my old hotel as a farewell present. Used them on two designer perfumes- Burberry‘s classic scent and Dolce & Gabanna‘s latest- The only one. Both fragrances smell amazing but I have yet to finish the rest of the perfume still in my collection.
New dishes created from this chef named Nagi, mum has been on a experimental binge this past week and two nights ago I had my first Thai laksa, it had a bit of a kick to it but the noodles, broth and bean sprouts was delicious.
Wearing a size smaller on both top and bottom, the loss of weight is showing at last!
Another week has come to it’s end and despite the heavy rain we have experienced here in my city and work has been insanely busy with high occupancy it still has been an overall good week. The company of my colleagues is always emanating positive energy and we have a new Reservation agent that has joined our insane family. He used to work with one of the new girls at their old hotel but knows a lot of the system and picking up very quickly. He appears to be a strong asset to the team.
Conversations of catch up with my girls this week has been lovely too, it’s realising that I have been missing out on seeing them and I just hope that I can have another catch up with the Filo side of my family. I barely see my cousins as it is, of course they all have their own families now but I recalled to my parents one night that we barely have parties anymore when before we used to have one every second weekend or so because there is so many of us.
I worked yesterday and normally on Saturdays I am alone in the office but this time I had both my boss and one of the group co-ordinators come in and work, they were catching up on their group reservation work but still it was lovely company and we had some laughs in between work. I was fortunate enough to not have many phone calls that I got a ton of work done for the duration of my shift. It means less stress for our team when we all return to work tomorrow morning.
Matters of my heart has been ok, I’m enjoying being the single pringle and though the people I have met has been dismal and disappointing I am content in not searching for a while because I’m in a happy spot in my life where I don’t need a companion and instead can flourish as a free standing career woman.
Collecting my five likes for this past week;
My best friend Katie got married today!! Though she lives in the U.S and I sadly could not be attendance (that’s a whole different matter) I got to see the photos and she got someone to record the event so I’ll be able to watch the ceremony. She looked flawless and completely Rarity sparkle, the elegant pony would have approved.
Miraculous– The fandom was well fed with two episodes yesterday and while Malediktator showed a redemption arc for the school’s mean girl and gave us complete girl power, Frozer on the other hand was an emotional mess. The love square is about to become a bloody hexagon with the two new characters being potential crushes. The writers said they would be more than the love interests but I say liars!
Night Noodle Markets in my city last night, I was introduced to it by my boss and I could not believe it has taken me this long to discover it. It is more than just Asian food though I did indulge in dim sims and pork buns, it also had bars and dessert stalls. Music was great and company was good.
Reunion with an old friend, we knew each other on IMVU about 6-7 years ago than he went into the navy and we hardly spoke since that time but yesterday he reached out to me and told me that he’s coming to my city next month. He wants to meet up since he’s here for a month, I’m unsure because we haven’t been in contact for years though from our conversation we are still the same people just older and mature? maybe lol.
Mum’s birthday, it was this past Thursday and we all went out for Thai joined by my sister, her husband and the in-laws. Stayed out late with yummy food and fun conversation, as I mentioned above outings with family beyond my circle of three is so minimal nowadays so to have that experience is treasured.
Mei has removed me from her social media, though she hasn’t blocked me (thankfully) and I’m unsure why, the girl is not talking to me even when I tried to reach out to her after my 10km run in the city last Sunday. I am once again lost and I haven’t felt this way since my ex dumped me back in May. After her and I talked two weeks ago I thought we cleared out all the things that needed to be said, I thought we reached an understanding especially of who I am as a person including all the things she called childish.
I am fortunate to have my other two best friends in the U.S to seek advice, they have been comforting and giving me hope but I hope this matter is not a permanent issue and I have to say goodbye to a ‘best friend’ of 16 years, I haven’t told anyone else yet. It has been the dilemna I been trying to understand in my head this past week and I’m glad work hasn’t been too crazy that leaves me flailing over both social and work lives. I’m once again left in the dark and yes I am airing it out in my blog because I know this gets read.
Work has been ok, we had to say goodbye to one our new girls as she was not coping and I will admit that I got teary saying goodbye, it sucks being an empath and feeling the emotions of those around me especially if they are sad. I try to keep everyone upbeat but sometimes I need the positivity for myself too. We have two successful, new Reservation agents joining us soon. One is part time and the other is full time and both with experience in Front desk/reservations of hotels. Can’t wait to meet them soon.
I have reached that stage in my life, probably comes with the no filter and being 30 years old that I am not seeking a relationship anytime soon, it probably is because the previous one has damaged me emotionally again and every one that has tried to get closer have been placed in that unfortunate friend zone. I figured with everything that has been going on that I’ll just focus on myself which is further emphasis on my career and travelling of course.
Since I am not going to South Korea anymore, I am deciding that I’ll go to Japan in their Spring time (really want to be there for the cherry blossom festival) and then go the United States for their Autumn. Need to see Katie again and finally meet my other bestie Aria.
Positives at the closure of this week;
I beat last year’s time of Blackmore’s 10km run by 6mins, mum called it a new PB (Personal best) though my right foot killed two days after the run. My younger sister did hers in 50mins easy, she is becoming more comfortable as a marathon runner than a sprinter
My Royalty Soaps arrived yesterday! I have yet to unwrap them but they look so cute, I’m not sure if I would use them though but they both smell amazing- Macaron and cookies and cream
My fashion is changing, though I’m keeping to the vintage/1940s look, I am also unlocking my inner Lolita and submissive nature which isn’t hiding as much anymore. I bought two elastic harnesses from Mary Jane lingerie arrived two days ago and they fit well and look great under v-neck tops especially.
Read through two new books and addicted to both series, the next novel isn’t out until next year though. Reading again has helped me write my stories more too.
Dad is going out for dinner with my sister tonight, so its mum and I at home tonight, mother/daughter bonding!
I had a bit of an identity crisis this week and I think it’s partially because of what Mei addressed with me on Thursday night. That should I keep enjoying the guilty pleasures that I love even as a 30 year old. I love stuffed toys, magical girl things such as Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura, I enjoy watching the Barbie movies and Monster High and I sometimes I log onto the virtual worlds of IMVU and Second Life.
Do these hold me back from progressing in my career as an adult? It had me me flail and mentally question myself that I even sort the advice of my other best friend Katie who lives in the United States. As I buckled under and really thought about who I was as person I realised that no, these childlike essences do not stop me from becoming a powerful woman in reality. It in fact a side of my multiple facets that makes me who I am.
Because of the childlike pleasures that I enjoy on a daily basis, it is what makes me smile and stay optimistic every day especially when I go to work and it is absorbed by friends or colleagues who are needing positivity in their life when it all seems too much. I also realised that if I stopped enjoying these things, I wouldn’t be 100% me even while “growing up” which is a term that is so overused and let’s be honest, no one truly grows up even when they say they have.
Work has been great with my manager returning but I think it is also because our new girls have picked up speed and now are on the phones, less stress on the rest of us. Though! One of my colleagues who was part of the opening team is leaving us at the beginning of next month, he got a job as a flight attendant and I’m devastated! He is amazing and fast in clearing off the emails and it’s just him on his own since another colleague is on annual leave.
Change and turn over seems to occur on a regular basis in a five star hotel, I guess it’s because I was so used to a hotel where everyone has been staying for more than seven years and over.
Finding the positives in every week whether big or small;
My best friend in the U.S sent me a belated birthday present- a signed picture by Pinkie Pie’s voice actress Andrea Libman! It is now hanging up on my wall next to my desk, also the personal letter from said bestie made me cry
I ordered two soaps from Royalty Soaps, Katie Carsen has a youtube channel and I love watching her create these artisan soaps so novelty and original, I had to get some
The high tea last Saturday with all the women on the Filo side of my family was lovely, my cousin put so much time and effort into hosting you could tell in all the details (I want the cute tea cups!)
My work won awards again! This time we got Best Australasian hotel, best new hotel and best service to the community, not bad huh as we keep reaping in for all our hard work
Picked up French, they said in high school it’s easier to study than Japanese- we’ll see. I decided to study just because it would be nice to have a second language that is also beneficial to my company which is French
This week has been so busy with work! And exhausting because it has been the 7am-3pm shift, I was hoping that after our two new girls were trained up and on the phones, we could all revert back to our normal hours but this doesn’t look to be the case. I don’t mind finishing at 3pm, its nice getting home when the sun is still out but the waking up at 5am is very tiring.
The guests on the phones this week have been on the extreme ends either really nice and fun to talk to or very difficult that I need involvement from my manager (she has enough on her plate as it is!) I also had my specialist appointment on the Monday, she is glad that I am keeping the weight off and so far no blood tests need to be done, I am scheduled to see her in December again with a new weight goal in mind.
I haven’t been talking to the boofhead much this week and it’s probably because he and I have both been busy or he’s probably been occupied elsewhere in reality including this weekend that is about to finish. Before I would have sulked about it, but now its just coming to terms that he is not prominent in my life anymore.
Second Life has been meh and I’ve been lacking inspiration to make pretty photos in that virtual world, so I’ve been on IMVU instead this week and writing as well, tonight in particular I have written at least twenty pages for one of the stories, I don’t know where the spark came from but I’m glad it did.
Let’s see if I can find five positive likes from this past week;
“Lingerie is not about seducing men, it’s about embracing womanhood.” – Dita Von Teese. I bought two harnesses by Mary Jane, she does custom jobs through Etsy and I been meaning to get something cute to show off subtley my ‘other’ side without being obvious.
Crazy Rich Asians– I loved the book and the movie was a very good adaptation, I just wish there was a man like Nicholas Young, but finding a single, rich and humble bloke is highly unlikely in this world.
An old acquaintance has returned in-world because he’s back to being overseas for work and in the same time zone, we caught up tonight and it was lovely
My manager is back! She was gone for 4 weeks because she broke her shoulder and now she is back tomorrow, can’t wait to see her again! Our resident mama bear ❤
Writing again, yes this is a positive every time I can do it before sometimes the struggle is real to find motivation to continue my many tales
I love having three days off, it feels like a long weekend and it means I can go out today to the shops or just go for a drive and there is no traffic and it’s nice and quiet in the shopping centre. Though it also means I will have to work this Saturday on my own (though I can’t now because I have my grandma’s 95th birthday lunch, I was under the impression it was a night time party as usual).
Didn’t do much surprisingly other than cooking dinner, helping my bestie Katie update her Second Life look, read over my previous stories that I haven’t looked at since March this year, Netflix and chill, walks under the warm sun. Even though my long weekend isn’t action packed, I don’t mind days where I can just have a breather especially with work being so busy with just three on the phone.
The new girls are picking up speed though in their training and we finally got one of them who has been with us for a month and a half on the phones. She is unsure of herself like I was when I first started working in hotels 8 years ago but I assured her with time, she will get the knack of it. With any skill it just takes practice.
Feels for this week have been happy, fluffy, supportive, passionate and all very optimistic, I am once again grateful that despite a tiring work week, the weekend makes up for it in decent doses of happiness.
Sharing my five positive likes for this past week and long weekend;
Teen Choice Awards; Despite Constantin Films confirming that Shadowhunters is finished, my beloved show won best scifi series and actor! And that is piping hot tea to all those who cancelled it! BTS also won best international artist and Miraculous won best animated show. My fangirl heart is alive today.
I have a serious weakness for Faerie fictional men, I mean Rhysand owns my soul from ‘A court of mists and fury’ and now I bought a new book called The Cruel Prince, the second main character Prince Cardan Greenbriar…lord! He is like a younger Rhys
Spent this entire weekend with the boofhead inworld, happy mood on :3
Devilled sausages on Saturday night, I haven’t had it in years (feels like it) so yum
Bought from Pandora on Saturday arvo, their Shine honeycomb lace ring…been eyeing it for weeks now
Bonjour from the confines of my office! I am working today and while originally I felt overwhelmed especially seeing over one hundred emails and one thousand to be reviewed reservations, over the past three hours I have managed to cull both down at a decent amount. So once again I can be happy to say it is all quite manageable and I’m taking each task one step at a time while listening to my playlist of favourite, motivating tunes.
This past week I have also been back to working 9am-5pm and I will say that I miss the 8am wake-ups compared to waking up nowadays at 6am, it is freezing in the early morning! It is going to be worse next week with the 7am starts because I will have to wake up at 4:30am! Eww!
My social life outside work has been ok, I haven’t been logging on Second Life or gaming as much as I thought I would except at the beginning of the week. I have been multi tasking again, blame my ADHD, between reading book 1 of my fantasy trilogy, watching soaps being made and watching the new season of one of my favourite shows, I have been still keeping my brain distracted.
Been having nostalgic feels over my ten years being on IMVU this week, not sure why it’s been popping up in my head lately but another one of those mysteries of my buzzing memories. I also had an intense conversation with the ex, mutual understanding is forming but the trickles of frustration is present which I’m not sure he knows cause he reads this blog (I see you!) but other than that, nothing bad has happened this week that I can complain about.
I like to be a believer in good luck and karma and this week I been wearing my golden horse shoe necklace which has been classified as a known good luck charm, maybe that is it, or someone up there has been taking care of me.
My five likes for this week, it has been a good week despite work being crazy busy (limited staff);
Fall out! The plot is depressing and I suck at 360 degree controls but my bestie Katie is a great teacher- so patient with me
I got a favourite from the actor Luke Baines on my twitter! He will be playing the reborn Jonathan Morgenstern on Shadowhunters, we still have yet to save the show
Bought the Clow book from Cardcaptor Sakura last night in it’s original Japanese format, one more artefact to become a true magic girl
My hotel won ‘Best luxury hotel in NSW’ I am so proud to be a Sofitel girl
Reunion with Mei tonight after work! We haven’t seen each other in two weeks and I’m having withdrawals of her company